From the Top – Who is to see, who is to know?

From the Top – Who is to see, who is to know?

Today, write about any topic you feel like — but you must reuse your opening line (at least) two more times in the course of your post.

Xeros_Residence_Sleep_Space

Who is to see, who is to know? I am me, but I keep the grit, struggles, angst, from the eyes of others. Usually I only share with my daughters and until recently, I didn’t share the whole extent of the minutiae of my life, until asked a direct question, or more to the point, several questions. Who is to see, who is to know? It is a kind of a fierce privacy that I have erected around struggle. I do not wish to reveal a vulnerability, or show the underside. Starting this blog was a way for me to write about life experiences, a way to make them real, a way not to deny, a way to look at some of the unfolding. I have always believed that one has to speak something to make it real, to be able to heal. Who is to see, who is to know? A dear person I have not seen for many years has recently also asked me a direct question. This is not what I have come to expect, even from friends. It’s a kind of squirming discomfort. He knows me well. I did reveal some of my struggle, but now I feel somewhat distressed and feel the need to pull away. I do not wish him to worry on my behalf. Who is to see, who is to know? Maybe I just need to sit with this discomfort? Sometimes I feel that I see too clearly, that I have none of the scales or veils over my eyes that others have. Maybe those who see, are the one’s who need to know? Maybe we are all somnambulists, barely able to see one foot in front of another?

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