“She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom.”
― Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
I can say, that for me the release after the weight comes in moments, some of which I record here and will add to in time:
Sitting in a green cafe amidst Bangkok, soft light, sparkling glass, tranquil surrounds, beans seen through a glass-topped table, staring into the tangle of flyovers, concrete, cars and every transport mode known to man, realising the reality of the tranquil space, insulated in the muted sounds and air-conditioning, my daughter beside me – “we are doing it”. Ahaa, the reality of the freedom and the choice. The lived felt juxtaposition of chaos and tranquility.
The back of a small motorbike, whizzing around a tiny Thai town, can do, can do. Having noticed a woman at the boarder crossing into Laos, now on the back of her bike. Once crossed I walked with the weight of my backpack digging into my shoulders, eventually finding a small place in Wien Tien with a lovely courtyard. Sitting there, I saw the same woman and spoke to her in Afrikaans: “Ja wragtig ek dink jy is van Suid Afrika, (yes, I really think you are from South Africa)”. And yes, she was, of all places to find a fellow South African. How we laughed till tears fell that day and the next. How these moments lent an appreciation for small things, a cool room, tepid shower water, someone to laugh with from home, and the possibilities. Ahaa the freedom, the absence of weight.
Moving, boxes and chaos, empty spaces, exhaustion, emotional disarray, loss. How to cope? Thinking, I can apply what I know from meditation, I can label the emotion, name it, then think of it as if a cloud, passing over and dissipating, a watershed moment, again and again I did this, applied to life’s streams it gradually became easier to be more resilient, to lose the weight of the felt moment, by accepting, by letting go and simply being, knowing, really feeling it in my pores, that this moment too shall pass. Ahaa, the absence of weight. Be and be still. Meaning unfolding.
A Bangkok Park – Swamped by birds, the moments:
Image purchased at Creative Market.